ICE, Iran and The American Summer // Tim Dillon

Tim Dillon | Trusted Newsmaker

Let me just start off by saying this: a war with Iran is not a thoughtful gift. It’s not an edible arrangement, it’s not a bath bomb, it’s not a bottle of red wine delivered to your doorstep with a card that says “Thanks for being you.” It’s a flaming pile of bullshit wrapped in a bow of bipartisan consensus, and guess what? I’m not unwrapping it.

In episode 448 of The Tim Dillon Show, Tim went off a bit—and by “a bit,” I mean I unloaded a verbal JDAM strike—on what’s shaping up to be another guided tour of American imperialism. And this time, we’re bringing the troops, the tanks, and the TikTok influencers. Because if we’re going to bomb the Middle East again, at least we can livestream it.

Let’s Talk About That Parade

First of all, what the hell was that military parade in Washington? It looked like the “We Didn’t Want to Be Here” parade. Troops marching out of sync, people clapping like they were waiting for a brunch reservation—just a real “who cares” vibe. It wasn’t inspiring. It wasn’t even threatening. It was depressing.

And what was it for? To show off our giant weapons before we use them on a country that hasn’t attacked us? Because let’s be real, that’s what this whole performance is leading to. They’re not hyping Iran to keep things peaceful. They’re greasing the gears for a war. And the troops? They’re not hyped. They’re tired. They’re looking around wondering if we’re doing this all over again. Spoiler: We are.

Meanwhile, in the Cocktail War Rooms…

You know who loves this stuff? Think tank ghouls. Neocon vampires like Thomas Friedman, Sam Harris, and Douglas Murray—people who’ve never served a day, never lost a limb, never buried a buddy, but they’re all-in on regime change from the comfort of their ten-million-dollar brownstones.

These people treat war like a TED Talk. They write op-eds from Martha’s Vineyard about “decapitating the regime” while their biggest threat in life is running out of goat cheese. I’ve been to their parties. I’ve seen how casually they discuss carpet bombing. These aren’t strategic geniuses—they’re bloodthirsty debutantes.

The Troops Aren’t Into This

Here’s what nobody wants to say: the troops don’t want this war. Not the kids who signed up hoping for college money, not the guys with two tours under their belt and chronic back pain, and definitely not the ones living in mold-infested barracks eating government-issued suicide rations.

You can’t just slap a flag decal on a drone and call it freedom. And you can’t keep using soldiers like props in a military theater production written by war-horny journalists and funded by Lockheed Martin.

Thanks for the Gift, Israel

Let’s get spicy. A lot of this is about Netanyahu and company trying to drag the U.S. into a war they started but can’t finish. And listen—I’m not anti-Israel, I’m anti-getting-played. I don’t want to fight a war because some ultra-Zionist lunatic with 14 criminal indictments thinks turning Iran into rubble will save his polling numbers.

I did a bit on the show—maybe you heard it—thanking Israel for the lovely gift of a war. “It’s amazing. You didn’t have to. Truly. A whole war, just for us?” It’s satire, but not really. Because we’re actually treating this like something we asked for, like something we’re excited about. No. This isn’t Christmas morning. It’s Vietnam in HD.

We Can’t Afford Bread, But We Can Afford Bombs

Let me remind you, we can’t even fix roads in this country. Our bridges are held together with duct tape and prayer. Veterans can’t get a dentist appointment at the VA until 2027, but we’ve got tankers in the air and ships in the Red Sea ready to turn Iran into dust.

Where’s the money for healthcare? For mental health? For the people who already fought your last war and came home broken?

Oh right—it’s in Raytheon’s bonus pool.

The Empire’s Out of Excuses

You can only lie to people so many times before they stop listening. And if this is how they’re going to sell World War III—through TikTok clips and solemn CNN panels—I’ve got bad news. People aren’t buying it anymore.

Least of all the troops. Because they’re the ones who come back in boxes. They’re the ones who come back addicted, traumatized, or forgotten. And now we’re asking them to do it all again for what? A bunker in Natanz?

No. Absolutely not.

You can keep your “gift.” I’ll take peace, a functioning VA, and maybe a country that stops sleepwalking into every sandbox war pitched by a dude named Brett who thinks Persian culture is a Fortnite skin.

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